Friday, October 21, 2011

Putting Away Childish Things

I've been a Star Wars fan since I was 7 years old, so I've been a fan for almost 35 years. In that 35 years I managed to pick up an absolute arse load of Star Wars toys. Some of it I've lugged around since 1977, some of it is newer, but all of it (or close to all of it) has got to go.

There comes a time when it is just simply time to be done with the past. I have reached that point. Oh, part of me still believes I'm making a huge mistake selling this stuff off...why am I not saving it all for my kids to have when I shuffle off? The answer is simple - they are just a bunch of toys. Sure, some of them are carrying around the stink of nostalgia and my desperate attempts to cling to the remnants of my childhood...but at the end of the day they are just toys....plastic parts molded and painted by slave labor somewhere in China. And I'm kind of done trying to recapture whatever magic toys brought to my life when I was 7 years old.

I would be kidding if I said that Star Wars wasn't important to me though. It was. I didn't always see eye to eye with my younger brother about a lot of things. We are two very different people, but we always had Star Wars. We spent hours as kids playing with the toys, making up adventures for Luke and Han as they battled the evil galactic empire. No matter how we fought or argued we knew we could always play with our Star Wars toys and get along. It was bigger then the differences in our personalities (the main difference being he had a personality, I didn't really develop one until 1984, but that's a different story), it was something we could do together...even when he had Han gun down Vader, a bit of revisionist history on par with the ending of 'Inglorious Bastards'.

Now, I could prattle on about how I saw myself as Luke Skywalker, yearning for more with my mind on the future, the horizon....adventure, excitement...a Jedi craves not these things...and neither should a 41 year old man, at least not through toys. Like the title of this post says, I'm putting away childish things...and turning a buck or two while at it.

So, why not leave the stuff for the girls? I'll break it down for you, countdown style!

One - I have a lot of stuff. A lot. A couple of plastic tubs in the garage, a couple in the house, an entire closet and shelves filled with action figures and vehicles...I'm running out of room to store it in. Also, this stuff is a pain in the ass to lug around and I don't want them dealing with that when I'm not around to help them with it. Plus, do I want my kids looking back on my life and remembering me through toys? I don't think so. The money this stuff brings in is going to help pay for soccer camps, gymnastics, etc. I'll be using the old to help my kids create new memories for themselves.

Two - I might keep a couple of 'heirloom' pieces, but that's it. One item for each kid that I have actually kept with me since 1977. Those items have some sentimental value, but that does have a price tag...so if some collector in Wisconsin hits the 'But It Now' link then we'll be looking for a new sentimental item...like my unpaid eBay invoices. The object here is to get rid of this stuff, so even keeping a couple of pieces isn't etched in stone or molded plastic.

Three - Maddy is growing up so fast and pretty soon she is going to want her own room. The Better Half would like to keep all three girls sleeping in the same bedroom like a bunch of hillbillies until they move out. Part of me does as well since that means they will be sleeping in the infamous castle bed longer...and there's no way they have slept in that thing long enough to justify the herculean amount of effort it took to construct and paint that monstrosity. However, I'm a realist and Maddy has already been poking around about getting her own room for 6 months now...she has gone so far as to pick out paint colors and bedding from PB Teen (we'll find something similar at Target for 1/2 the price...god bless ya, Target!). The Waltons bedroom setup is only going to last a little while longer...

Four - I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I have an entire room in our house devoted to my Star Wars collection. I'll be 42 years old in January and when I think of my dad at 42 he didn't have time to be collecting toys...he was busy getting stuff done, being productive, acting like an adult. Putting 3 3/4" action figures in protective cases is hardly adult like...and I think if one of the surviving members of WWII's 'Band of Brothers' saw this room they would run me through with a bayonet after punching me in the face. They fought the Germans for this?

The decision has been made, I want this stuff outta here. I've already made a few sales on eBay and will be posting more until it's all gone...but don't bother looking for any Princess Leia stuff from me, I gave all the Leia toys to the girls (along with some Luke, Han, and Lando figures) to play with so they can make their own memories...you see, that's the trouble with the past, it gets heavy after a while...it's best to live in the moments being created all around you each and every day...for everything else, there's eBay.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

NBA - The McDonald's Of Pro Sports

Ask most adults if they like McDonald's and I can guarantee you that a majority will give you an emphatic 'No!' as an answer...and by majority I mean 7 out of 10. Those that answer 'yes' will qualify their response with one of the following - 'I only go there because my kids like it' or 'I really like their Sausage McMuffins, everything else sucks'. If those answering no were to be believed, then McDonald's should be on the verge of bankruptcy. That, however, is not the case - McDonald's is still the most popular restaurant chain in the world. Subway may have surpassed them with stores, but they can't match the brand equity and revenue that the Golden Arches rakes in year after year. That means one of two things - a lot of people are eating their body weight in Sausage McMuffins day in and day out or kids are making the meal decisions for damn near every family on the planet...

The actual answer is that the McDonald's question is now a litmus test. Answer yes and you are a simple minded buffoon with no regard for your own or your family's health. In fact, you and McDonald's are everything that is WRONG with America and the world and you should just DIE RIGHT NOW YOU F*CKING UNENLIGHTENED MORON!!! Think I'm kidding? Just take a random sampling of your coworkers...most are going to say they don't care for McDonald's or will give an answer with some logic twisting preamble and/or disclaimer.

What does any of the above have to do with the NBA? Well, the NBA enjoyed some of its best ratings last year and league attendance averaged over 17k fans a game, a record I believe. However, if you ask most sports enthusiasts how they feel about the NBA a majority will answer they don't watch or attend games because they hate basketball and the NBA. If someone does say they watch NBA games you will be treated to the same type of mental gymnastics that you received from those answering yes to the McDonald's question...'yeah, I watch a game every now and then, but I prefer college basketball' or 'I only watch the playoffs, the regular season is a joke' or 'I can't believe the NBA let the Sonics move to Oklahoma City, f*ck the NBA in the face with a chainsaw!' Yes, well...that last statement was an actual answer from a co-worker this morning...although I added the bit about the chainsaw because chainsaws, like bacon, make everything better. Moving along...

Although the NBA's popularity was on the rise last year, it isn't considered hip to be an NBA fan. Oh no, the hipster doofus sports league to embrace, especially here in Seattle, is the MLS. This is completely understandable as the NBA shat all over Seattle by aiding and abetting the move of the Sonics to Oklahoma City. David Stern helped orchestrate that move, and it is one that I hope backfires in his face...with a chainsaw. This move left a hole that the MLS and the Sounders have filled and they have done so brilliantly...but this doesn't explain every other major city though.

I'm not sure when it happened, maybe after the lockout in 1998 or the 2001 Kings/Lakers officiating debacle, but the NBA went from the darling of the sports world to McDonald's status. Both are still popular, but no one is going to admit enjoying them as to avoid being labeled a simpleton. The dislike of the NBA runs deeper though, with elements of race and entitlement thrown into the mix. Now, I'm not one to ever play the race card, and maybe race is the wrong card to play here...we could just be witnessing a cultural paradigm shift in regards to pay and status...but I feel that there are some uncomfortable feelings surrounding young black men like Lebron James and Dwyane (can he fix the goddam spelling of his name?!?!?) Wade making so much guaranteed money and wielding so much media power. That's another discussion for another time, but it is something to consider, especially now as the lockout continues and the national U6 unemployment rate pushes up on 20%.

The NFL is America's game, no one begrudges the money NFL players make because a majority of fans know their contracts are, for the most part, not guaranteed. It is also understood that the NFL is known as Not For Long by the players, meaning they either produce on the field or they will be cut. That doesn't happen in the NBA (or MLB), so the vibe is that the NBA game suffers as the players don't have a whole lot to lose once they sign their contract. And although the NFL has been playing games overseas for decades, there has not been the push to internationalize the game the way Stern has diluted the NBA brand by trying to take it global. His pandering to Hispanic and Asian markets is embarrassing, and the league's stunt of renaming teams during Hispanic Heritage month ('Los Lakers' anyone?) last season made me want to puke all over David Stern's face...with a chainsaw. Is the NBA brand damaged goods, especially now that the lockout has wiped out the first two weeks of the season? Or does anyone even care?

I've touched on a lot of stuff here in trying to figure out how McDonald's and the NBA could be so popular yet have no one really admit to liking either one. I'm not sure what the answer is to that disparity...maybe I just know a lot of people that don't really like either one...or I know a lot of liars...what's your take?