Monday, January 30, 2012

I'm In No Mood...

...to be posting, but I'm going to try this whole 500 word a day thing again. Why the sour mood, you ask? Not sure...but I think it has a lot to do with me being absolutely fed up with a lot of dumb self-centered people. The world seems to be overflowing with individuals so wrapped up in their own worlds/heads that they are oblivious to everyone and everything around them. From the asshats bringing their goddamn dogs into restaurants (and the restaurant/food establishments not having the sack to toss their asses out)to the inconsiderate cretins listening to incredibly obscene hip hop at ear splitting volume in their cars with the windows open by a playground. Human beings are absurdly stupid, and I have had enough...well, not enough to go all Michael Douglas in 'Falling Down'...but made enough to Tweet and blog about it. So, yeah...that's plenty teed off for now, right?

Not everyone is on my s-list these days, though. I'm happy to live in a nice neighborhood with awesome neighbors. So, I have that going for me...and work is pretty alright as well...sure, I have to deal with the occasional shite storm, but for the most part I'm happy...which is rare for me to be happy at work since I hate work and office politics.

And for those of you wondering why I didn't have a b-day party this year and probably won't have a Super Bowl party...I'm not sure what to tell ya. I just never got around to planning a b-day party and now the Super Bowl is rapidly approaching...maybe I'll invite some folks over...we'll see...wanna help clean up afterwards?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Snow Has Arrived

Well, the weather folks were right...our wide-spread snow event showed up, late like Axl Rose, but it is here. I really wish I would have snapped a picture of the dairy section at Top Foods last night...the bread aisle as well since both were completely wiped out. A little bit of snow brings out the prepare for doom in some of us...but seriously, the milk case was almost empty, the eggs pilfered (only the high end omega-3 loaded eggs were at full capacity), and the bread aisle was in shambles. It looked like a scene straight out of a zombie or end of the world movie, stocking up for the long haul. In this case the long haul will be about 24-36 hours before the snow turns to rain and unleashes some incredibly racist urban flooding.

Stay warm folks, and remember a 4x4 is not impervious to ice...you'll slide around just as much as those of us slumming it in FWD cars...

Monday, January 16, 2012

About Those 500 Words…

My promise to write 500 words a day has, like so many of my other promises, been broken. I have no excuses aside from having serious balance issues between work/life/writing. Simply put – I am having a hard time getting the creative motor running.

I think part of my trouble has been a poor diet and not enough exercise. I'm rectifying the exercise issue by pumping out 3 miles a day on the treadmill during my work lunch hour…except for today when I only ran 2.67 miles because my goddamn hamstrings decided to seize up. My hamstring troubles are well-documented, and it doesn't matter if I'm hydrated, dehydrated, taking fistfuls of vitamins and supplements, stretching or not stretching, my hammies are a nightmare. My last boss, an avid runner, told me she thinks the strength between my quads and my hamstrings is way out of whack…and she is probably correct. The problem is that if I even think about doing leg curls my hamstrings go tighter than a rusty piano string. So, leg curls are out…in are deadlifts with 40 lb dumbbells. Anything over 40 lbs and my lower back gives out. I have problems, man, serious problems. The deadlifts have not paid any dividends as I am sitting gingerly sitting in my office chair, trying not to move too suddenly or I'll cramp up. It is a tortured existence…

Diet wise I have been trying…but anyone with kids can attest how hard it can be to stick to a diet plan when you have to cook different meals for finicky eaters. My kids are carbotarians – they would live on nothing but bread, water, pasta, and fruit if I let them. Hmmm, the youngest one does love bacon though…the only child to stray off the chicken nugget reservation. Anyway, trying to appease them and cook for myself and the better half is easier said than done. Those of you that are thinking, 'just make the kids eat what you cook' either do not have kids or do not mind the ear-splitting wails that come from kids that are hungry but are on a ridiculous hunger strike. We've tried to get Maddy to try different foods and it wasn't pretty. I've seen people bite into habanero peppers with more reckless abandon than Maddy trying something as exotic as mashed potatoes. She has completely dug in to her food habits…and it's not like she doesn't eat healthy as she will eat her body weight in fresh fruit if we let her…but damn it all, at some point she is going to have to try pasta with marinara sauce! Jossy takes queues from Maddy, but with the added hurdle of her possessing Wolverine's mutant sense of smell. If anything offends her olfactory then we can pretty much count on her refusing to eat until whatever she smells is removed from a 50 foot radius beginning at her nostrils. Take all of that into consideration and imagine cooking dinner and trying to avoid carbs…it's damn near impossible unless I make scrambled eggs every night, which 2 of the 3 kids like, the other thinks they smell funny and will demand pancakes. Good times…

Speaking of good times, I watched a couple of movies this weekend. The first was 'Warrior', a much better film than I anticipated, but one that ran a little long…and even running long I felt like a lot of details were glossed over, mainly the younger brother's motivation to do some of the things he did leading up to him showing up at his father's doorstep. We are shown a lot of flashbacks and newsreel footage, but his relationship with a Marine buddies wife and his contribution to her being in the state she is in are barely even alluded to. Nick Nolte was very good as the formerly abusive likkered up father, but why his relationship is strained with his older son is never explained…something happened, but we are never told what. The fight scenes were visceral and staged well, and I've watched enough MMA to know to never judge a fighter by physical appearance. The director and fight choreographer did a fantastic job of showing how a physically overmatched fighter could defeat an opponent with strategy and technique. 'Warrior' as a film gets a solid 'B' as a movie but the title gets an 'F' – the title alone almost kept me away, a co-worker recommended it after over hearing me say I liked 'Red Belt'.

The second film we watched was 'Moneyball', which is wildly overrated…and I'm really not sure why Brad Pitt is being mentioned as an Oscar contender for best actor – he simply played Brad Pitt with John Edward's Prell girl hair. Brad Pitt is incapable of playing anyone but Brad Pitt these days. He just doesn't have the acting chops he displayed in 'Seven' and 'Fight Club'. He's just Brad Pitt playing Billy Beane as himself, which is too bad as he once displayed a hint of having some range. No more! The buzz surrounding Jonah Hill as an Oscar hopeful is just as misplaced…he plays the same character he always plays, but in a Men's Werehouse suit and glasses. The film only really crackled with life when Brad Pitt shared the screen with Phillip Seymour Hoffman, quite possibly the best character actor in the business. Hoffman captures the gruff, dour, grumpy baseball manager archetype perfectly. There were too many scenes of Brad Pitt just driving around and reflecting on his life, which did serve to underline the point that even the greatest prospects flame out, but these scenes meandered too long and killed momentum. My favorite part of the movie was the song Billy Beane's recorded for him…and I must have gotten some dust in my eye or my contact was bothering me 'cause it got a little misty in the TV room during that part of the movie (look, I make no apologies for being a total sucker for movies that play on father/daughter dynamics…I have three daughters, sue me if I get a little choked up). I was hoping 'Moneyball' would move at the same clip as 'The Social Network', but like baseball it was too slow to get out of its own way…a 'C' film at best.

Currently, I'm sitting in my office and waiting for the rest of the Snowpocylpse to hit the Greater Seattle Area. We are due for more snow and then snow with damaging winds and then rain with 'urban flooding', a phrase that just kind of kills me…I think I have hit 500 words for this post though, so I've got that going for me. Stay warm!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

And One More Thing…

…I would like to add to my list of non-resolution resolutions: I want to get bitten by a non-service dog at a Starbucks, Lowe's, Top Foods…any place that refuses to enforce the 'No Dogs Except Service Animals' policy. For some reason, establishments have turned a blind eye to people bringing their mutts in to stores, even the places that serve food. For example, about a week ago at the Starbuck's near my office some jacknut brought his drooly bulldog into the store…next thing you know, the dog is nosing through the food cooler (the one with the yogurt, bottled water, etc…at floor level), which is just unacceptable. This wasn't a service dog, just a pet on a leash that the owner brought into the store. Dogs are dirty and gross, and don't give me that crap about their mouths being cleaner than a human mouth because that is just flat out wrong. Dog mouths contain different bacteria and germs and viruses, like strep, that can get people sick…not to mention that their snouts are used for all sorts of nasty things. Consumers shouldn't have to worry if their yogurt cup was just on the receiving end of dog snout…a snout that just greeted a golden retriever minutes before being allowed inside the store…Top Foods has been allowing more and more dogs into their stores as well, and I don't care if the owner is carrying them around. They are handling a dog and then perusing the produce and hauling their filthy beasts through the bakery and deli sections…all the while their dogs are shedding, spreading dander, and leaving germs and disease behind.

Food establishments need to put a stop to the 'my dog is as important as a person' horsesh*t right now, hence my crusade to be bitten by a non –service dog. The way I figure it, should a non-service animal that should not have been allowed inside a store bites me then the establishment is responsible for damages….and if a dog bites one of my kids at Lowe's or Top Foods, well then…that would be something. Not that I would put my girls in harms way, but I've already dealt with a German shepherd at Home Depot growling at Maddy not that long ago. Had the dog lunged for her….that would not be pretty for the dog, the dog's owner, and Home Depot.

None of the above means I am anti-dog, I'm not…what I am is anti-dog inside stores that are not PetSmart. Dogs have no business perusing the aisles of stores not designed for them, especially if that store serves food. There are health and allergy issues at stake, not to mention serious liability damages should one of these dogs bite or lunge for another shopper. These businesses need to step up and enforce their own rules before something goes sideways for them when a dog does act out…and I plan on doing my part by attempting to pet each and every dog I see in a place they shouldn't be in…if your dog bites me, so be it…that's a discussion I am willing to have with you and store management…and if your goddamn dog is the kind of dog you have to warn others about before they try and pet them, they don't belong inside the store to begin with.

Happy Tuesday!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Touch Me I'm Sick

I watched 'Contagion' over the weekend, and it was a decent enough movie even when you factor in the wildly unlikable Gwyneth Paltrow. Highlight of the movie for me, and this isn't a spoiler, was watching the top of Paltrow's character's head being sawed off during an autopsy.

'Contagion', besides being one very large and effective product placement blitz for Purelle and every other hand sanitizer on the market, was only a mediocre movie. We aren't really given a chance to know or bond with any of the main characters as they just shuffle in and out of the film. Matt Damon's character is oddly immune from the virus, but nothing is ever really done with that info...he just has an incredible constitution. Jude Law plays an annoying Aussie blogger with costume store quality bad teeth and overacts every scene he is in. I was openly rooting for him to die. Kate Winslet, as usual, is solid as a CDC doctor in the field...she's one of the few characters I actually cared about, mainly because she's vested in the goings on. If the movie had perhaps focused a little more on the effect the virus had on every day life and how a society can break down it may have made more of an impact. Instead, Steven Soderberg tried to cram too much of the technical happenings into the story so a lot of details get skipped over...there's a better movie within 'Contagion' that could be made.

So, that was Friday night - Saturday was spent running errands, cleaning gutters, and eradicating moss from the roof. Unfortunately, the Moss Out I had on hand was at least 6 years old, so a lot of the granules had formed super clusters within the canister. I spent quite a bit of time bashing the canister on the roof (while holding on to the ladder for dear life) to break the clusters apart, which isn't nearly as effective as it would seem. Therefore, the Moss Out coverage on parts of the roof was as uneven as 'Contagion'.

Saturday night we invited neighbors over to watch 'Horrible Bosses', which I was prepared to loathe. Not the neighbors, but the movie...the neighbors brought a box of red wine over, so they are good people. Anyhoo...the movie. I liked it much, much more than 'Bridesmaids', a movie that received a baffling amount of good press. That doesn't mean that 'Horrible Bosses' was a great movie, it was just better than I expected as I had very low expectations. The movie worked best when it didn't stoop to crass and coarse humor to be 'shocking'. That means every single scene with Jennifer Aniston is a train wreck of vulgar talk for vulgarity's sake. I'm not one to blush easily, but I cringed a little more than once at some of the writing and lines given to Aniston...so much so I'm surprised she took the part as she most certainly doesn't need the money. The movie is briskly paced to the point where you don't really question the cockamamie reasons each plotter gives as to why they can't simply quit their jobs and find new ones. Jason Bateman is solid, and Jamie Foxx has a very good cameo that plays off some of his earlier standup work, mainly the whole dude sippin' his drink at the bar with a straw routine. 'Horrible Bosses' is by no means a classic comedy, but it worked out nicely as a $1.00 DVDExpress expenditure for the night.

More later, just wanted to get in a quick 'Teeeeeeeeboooooooooooooooooow' before retiring for the night....! Suck on that, Steelers!

Friday, January 6, 2012

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions, mainly because I never adhere to them. How many times have I posted that I need to lose some weight and get in better shape? Exactly. So, I won't be making any New Year's resolutions this year, but I will be making the following promises to myself:


 

1 – Write at least 500 words per day: Easier said than done as I find that my time to write becomes more limited due to work and obligations to the family. However, I can always carve out time to pound out 500 words a day on this blog. That's not a lot of writing, but enough to keep the chops up and maybe even improve. We'll see.

2 – Get in better shape: I joined the gym in the building where my office is. It's a really nice gym with treadmills that are incredibly forgiving to my creaky knees. Now I don't have any excuses to not fit in a half hour run at the very minimum four days a week.

3 – Lay off the free weights: I'll be 42 years old in a couple of weeks and the extra bulk I'm carrying around is literally killing me. Time to let go of my obsession with the bench press…but I will toot my own horn one last time – on Dec 16, 2011 I was able to get 19 reps in at 225lbs on the bench press with no assistance from the spotter. Not too shabby…but my shoulders ached for days afterwards and there really is no need for that kind of strength in everyday life. It's not like I need to shed blockers to get to the produce section at Costco, although that would make the trips there more interesting. While I wouldn't mind looking toned, I no longer need to be burly. So, no more bench presses like I'm training for the NFL combine.

4 – Write a collection of short stories: William Young and Mark Colety inspired this one as both have self-published books recently. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I've got stories…most of them centered around drunken excess, but they are amusing and entertaining…like the infamous boat party where I met The Better Half…or the unfortunate Dave Matthews Band incident…or even the brush with greatness that was my Border's meeting with ex Doobie Brother Michael McDonald. I think it is time to capture some of those for prosperities sake and self-publish them in a hooch soaked memoire. Who knows, maybe I'll even turn a buck or two in the process.

5 – Improve this blog: Readership is non-existence, mainly because I rarely write, but also because what I have written of late has been sub-par. This will work in conjunction with the first promise on this list. I can only improve as a writer if I increase my output and 'practice'.

There you have it, my road map to success in 2012…good times, great oldies…