Jet(s) City Tebow

Tim Tebow has been traded to the Jets. According to reports, Tebow had final say as to which team he would be traded to...the Jets or the Jaguars. He picked the Jets and that makes no goddam sense to me at all. The Jets are a nightmare, led by a loud mouthed punk of a coach that is more concerned with soundbites than he is in X's and O's on the field or dysfunction off the field. Rex Ryan is a tool.

This trade can't sit well with the Jets current starting QB, man about town and all around nancy boy, Mark Sanchez. After the first three and out, the chants for Tebow are going to start...and God help Sanchez should he turtle up and take a sack rather than run for a first down.

I'm not sure what's in this for Tim Tebow either. He could have returned to Florida and revitalized a franchise that has had difficulties selling tickets to home games. Tebow would put asses in the seats and would make the Jags a national storyline, good or bad. The Jags haven't been a major player since the days of Mark Brunell and Fred Taylor. Expectations in Jacksonville would have been lighter was well. I'm wondering how Tebow and his Tebowing antics will play in NYC...once the novelty wears off, things could get ugly. The Jets fan base isn't exactly comprised of the kinder gentler NFL fan.

We'll see how this plays out...I don't see it going well, even if Tebow is used in a limited role as a change of pace QB 6-7 times a game. Should those handful of plays go well, fans are going to clamor for more...if they get stuffed and Tebow is ineffective, he'll be viewed as a distraction. It's lose/lose in either scenario in this guy's opinion. Timmy T should have gone to the Jags where the incumbent starter is the barely serviceable Blaine Gabbert.

Magnetic Personality

I had to go in for MRIs on both knees today in hopes the images will assist in getting to the bottom of my on again off again knee issues....mainly the pain and instability when my doctor has ruled out yet another tear of the medial meniscus in either knee. I'm not sure what he's hoping to see, but whatever it is, I don't want the action plan to alleviate the issues to be another 'procedure' that will involve rehab and surgery. While knee surgery has come a long way from when I first went under the knife in 1989 (I'm pretty sure my Air Force surgeon used a hack saw and pliers to repair my knee the first time...the zipper scar running down the side of my right knee is not indicative of minimally invasive arthroscopic surgery...whatever he did was majorly invasive and I was miserable for weeks afterwards), it is still surgery. That means anesthesia and stuff. I don't want to deal with stuff like that right now.

So, yeah - the MRI. Since it was on my knees I didn't have to go into the machine head first. I just kind of laid on my back with my knees slightly propped up. I was given a blanket and a pillow and some headphones and away we went. Within about 30 seconds of the first imaging segment, I was dead asleep. I must have violently snored while slumbering because I snapped awake...and moved. Not good times because moving during an MRI is something you don't want to be doing. The tech had to start the segment again, but sure enough, I fell asleep a second time...but I didn't snore, I had one of those crazy half awake/half asleep dreams...in the dream I was trying to kick a field goal and when it came time to kick, I had a massive sleep spaz twitch and moved again. I really can't convey the immense feelings of aggravation the tech was experiencing as she again explained to me that I was not allowed to move. I apologized and we started the segment again....and yep, I was asleep about 40 seconds into it...which is crazy because I had coffee and some DayQuil about an hour before the appointment.

After my third falling asleep incident, the tech came in and told me that she was going to stop the procedure altogether if I couldn't stay awake. I issued forth more apologies and asked if I could take the headphones off. She hemmed and hawed because ear protection is used due to the noisy nature of the MRI machine...but, she said I could take them off...and it worked. With no headphones pumping in classical music and nothing but the obnoxious buzzing and banging around of the MRI machine, I stayed awake through the remaining segments.

When it was all over I tried to make some friendly small talk with the tech (and small talk is something I really, really suck at, but I felt bad about my Rip Vanwinkle like performance), because I felt bad about messing up her day, but she would have none of it. She just gave me directions on how to exit the facility and instructions to go home and take a nap.

Ouch.

Random Musings

Grocery stores in MA, CA, and MN are reportedly being hit by drug leaders….loading up on Tide detergent. Yep, Tide is now a hot seller on the black market. Drug dealers are supplementing their income by peddling black market tide at Laundromats and on street corners in our fair cities. In this new less is really more bad is good economy, everyone is scrambling to find new ways to turn a buck or two…although I don't think I would want to break bad and turn to selling Tide out of the trunk of my car in seedier parts of town.

I caught another episode of 'Doomsday Preppers'…and I am inclined to agree with the anonymous commenter in my post about the show that those profiled may also need some therapy. The episode I watched last night had a NY city fireman that was prepping for the eruption of the Yellowstone Park super volcano, something experts assessed as having a .000004% chance of happening in this gent's lifetime. While I think we all agree that when/if the Yellowstone Park super volcano does decide to awaken from its 600,000 year slumber that life in and around these here United States will be a bit sporty. However, the chances of that happening in the next 100 or even 1,000 years are below minimal. I think are NYC fire fighter would be better served taking some of the money he has been spending on survival gear (the dude was obsessed with knives and knife fighting) and use it to move his family to a better apartment.

Another series I watched, somewhat against my will, was Celebrity House Hunters. The two episodes I watched with the better half were centered around the owner of Hollywood's most famous asymmetrical face, Shannon Doherty, and Hollywood's gayest straight man (or is that straightest gay man?) Andy Dick. Neither one is particularly interesting, although I did find Andy Dick's dedication to his family during the episode strangely touching…as if he actually had some regrets about his batsh*t insane drug fueled past. Anyhoo, how the hell can Shannon Doherty afford a 9 million dollar house? Her craptacular attitude has made her unemployable to everyone but Lifetime and whatever channel aired the 90210 Revisited show. Do residuals from syndication pay that well? Is 90210 still in reruns somewhere? I'm confused.

I was late in appreciating The Band Perry's fine, fine song 'If I Die Young', which is perhaps the finest bit of mainstream pop country to come out of Nashville in two decades. The Band Perry is comprised of Kimberly Perry and her two brothers Neil and Reid. Kimberly is absolutely adorable and has the kind of voice Taylor Swift stays up at night and dreams about when not writing songs getting even at some pretend boyfriend that slighted her. Neil and Reid look as if the are members of a Sid & Marty Croft Reenactment Society, specifically the troupe that would be responsible for bring The Bugaloos back to life.

Kimberly Perry wrote 'If I Die Young' and it is simply one of the most achingly poignant songs I've heard in a long time. It isn't necessarily a sad song as much as it is thought provoking and touching…give it a spin, you won't be disappointed…and if you don't like the song then you are probably emotionally dead inside. Zing!

Peyton Manning, he of the recently bolted together neck vertebrae and magically regenerating nerve endings, may or may not sign with the Denver Broncos, Tennessee Titans, or 49ers…he has already worked out for the Niners and is scheduled to throw for the Broncos. If I were the Broncos I would hire Office Linebacker Terry Tate to blindside Manning during his throwing drills to see if his head pops off or he loses feeling in his arms. That's the only way they are going to know if Manning will be able to take a hit during a game…

Runnin' With The Devil

A couple of years back I gave barefoot running the ol' community college dropout try...it went well for a while, mainly due to the fact that I was running on an isolated treadmill. Running with out shoes on a treadmill is obnoxiously loud, so when I no longer had access to that particular treadmill I went back to shoes. I was going to try the Vibram FiveFingers, but then I heard some joker on a treadmill at my new gym pounding away...plus, I'm no where near cool enough to be a snake wrangler, which is the activity the Vibram suggests I participate in...at least according to the hero image on their website.

So, I'm back to running in some Asics, and my knees seem to be okay with it. I do have an MRI scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday so my doctor can get a peek into what is causing my left knee to give out from time to time. My 'runner's knee' miraculously went away when I stopped trying to get all Ivan Drago with the incline when running and I popped some ibuprofen...taking anti-inflammatory meds kind of freaks me out due to kidney damage, but I was assured the 400-600mg doses I was taking twice a day were well within reason. My intake of sleeping pills may be another story....yeah....

About that last knee checkup - my doctor was actually pretty impressed with the overall condition of my knees, especially given the trauma experienced by the right knee...tearing the meniscus and ACL twice and the MCL and quadriceps tendon once, that particular knee is in decent shape. Yeah, there's some wear and tear and arthritis, but nothing dramatic. My left knee is the one giving my all the trouble lately, but the x-rays were inconclusive...and the doctor said the knee was really too stable to suggest a meniscus tear. However, he ordered up the MRI given my history and the small bit of swelling...and I am fine with that. In the olden days (like 1997) getting an MRI was unheard of. I asked for one from the last orthopedic surgeon I went to and his reply was classic, 'An MRI will tell me what's wrong, then I have to operate and repair...let's just get to the operating and repairing bit.' He was a big Texan, and he had me back on my feet and riding my mountain bike in less than 10 days. Good times.

We'll see what the MRI has to say, and if there is a slight meniscus tear I think I'm going to let it ride until it becomes a major meniscus tear....

Doomsday Preppers

I caught my first episode of Doomsday Preppers on the NatGeo channel...and I honestly don't know what to think. Part of me regrets not being better prepared for a catastrophic emergency like a pandemic, financial meltdown, natural disaster, or the Miami Heat winning a championship...and the other part of me thinks these doomsday preppers are nothing more than paranoid doofuses with a terminal case of Last Man On Earth syndrome. The most doomsday prepping I have done would be taking a long position in lead and lead delivery systems and buying three packs of VeggieTales branded seeds for the kids to plant this spring. We don't have sleeping bags or a tent, but I think we still have an inflatable raft that The Better Half used to float around in back in high school or something.

Now, I do realize that I should be more prepared, especially since I have kids. I've been looking into those Costco freeze dried food buckets and stuff at Cabelas, but finding places to store gallons of water, canned goods, crossbows, and crates of .223 ammo will be a challenge. I suppose I could get rid of my golf clubs and that angle grinder I bought because I thought an angle grinder was something I should have. It isn't.

We don't even have a proper first aid kit. This one doesn't look too bad, and it even comes with a deck of cards to stave off boredom...but you'd think just trying to survive would be a mighty fine antidote to boredom.

During Doomsday Preppers the phrase 'bug out bag' was used quite a bit. Everyone in the family is supposed to have one, even family pets. We don't have those either. Turns out bug out bags are backpacks filled to the gills with stuff for survivin'. I suppose I could start making our own bug out packs as I actually have some of the stuff listed. Plus, Bamamike in the reviews wasn't all that impressed with the quality of the gear since he can hunt, fish, and gator rassle up some vittles all on his own...which is all fine and dandy until the ATMS DON'T WORK DUE TO A POWER GRID FAILURE. Bamamike needs to rethink his skill set.

So, what the eff am I supposed to be doing here? Do I buy a bucket of freeze dried food, fortify the doors and bolt a semi-automatic rifle to the roof? Do any of you have bug out bags and stockpiles of food...and if so, can we come crash at your place when the world ends? All of this doomsday prepping appears to be a gigantic pain in the ass.

Everybody’s All American Couple

Tim Tebow and Taylor Swift supposedly went out on a date recently, and I think that is just swell. Tebow and Swift would make the perfect couple…he's the All-American jock and she's the All-American Tween Queen. Who better for her to date than a very good looking virginal QB that can't make the most rudimentary of throws required of an NFL QB? They make the perfect couple – he's the NFLs most popular QB, even though he can't really play the position all that well…and she's the most beloved country, um, artist in the world even though she can't sing. It makes perfect sense. I can just picture their wedding day now…both dressed in white and Tebow riding up to the alter on a sparkly candy crapping unicorn conjured from the inner depths of Taylor Swift's wedding day dreams of Skittles rainbows and cotton candy clouds. I'm sure they will be very happy together…