Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A Kinda Sorta Great Wolf Lodge Review

We made our annual trip to the Great Wolf Lodge on Sunday as the girls had Monday off.  I always have a decent time at the GWL, mainly because I get to spend time with the kids in the wave pool and the various slides.  Jossy was an absolute trooper, conquering her fears of the Howlin' Tornado and mastering the lily pad challenge.  Maddy is still the cautious one of the bunch and Katelyn is rambunctious, but limited by height requirements.  Still, there was plenty to keep the girls and The Better Half and myself occupied.  The arcade is a blast and I loved playing some of the games with the family.  Winning tickets is secondary to the experience of it all.  Watching Katelyn and Jossy on the virtual roller coaster was hilarious.  The room itself was clean, the bed comfortable, the temperature just right...standard hotel fare, no great shakes but still more than acceptable.  The water park was clean as well, the lifeguards attentive and squashing all horseplay or shenanigans in the pools from getting out of hand.  

With all of the above being said I still feel obligated to warn families that have never experienced the Great Wolf Lodge.  There are...things going on there that you will never see at any other hotel or amusement park setting such as: 

- An abundance of regrettable tattoos on even more regrettable body parts

- An overwhelming feeling that half of the patrons won't be making rent next month as they used that money to fund a weekend at the GWL

- Packs of kids under the age of 10 wandering the hotel unsupervised playing a money suck of a game called 'Magic Quest'

- Shaky parenting bordering on abuse, the likes you will not see at Disney parks or Six Flags

- Sh*tty little kids trying to bully smaller kids by cutting in front of them in line

- Anything remotely resembling customer service, apathy rules the day at that place

The last few points are definitely worth expanding on as they are the more serious of my observations.  During our stay we saw one mom pin her child (probably around 6 years old) to the wall by his throat.  Had she asked for the whereabouts of the ambassador and missing Death Star plans I would have mistaken her for Darth Vader.  Lots of kids get dragged around by their various limbs, there is yelling and carrying on that is most unbecoming.  Not all the parents behave like buffoons, but enough do that it is noticeable.

Some of the kids are not cherubic bundles of joy either.  I tried to make it a point to walk up to some of the slides with the girls as there were several kids that pushed and shoved their way to the front of the line.  That behavior was met with some, uh, 'coaching' from me on proper queue etiquette.  The Magic Quest game compels kids to wander the entire hotel, running in and out of stairwells, ducking into elevators, and generally making a gigantic nuisance of themselves.  It's not uncommon to hear a gaggle of kids running up and down the hallways at midnight or later, slamming doors and carrying on as they run from one 'quest' to the next.  The resort supposedly has a quiet time that starts at 10:30pm, but it is not enforced.  It's also absurd that parents let their children run amok in a hotel with extremely lax security when it comes to entering the building.  Basically, any one can enter off the street and no one will say anything to them.  Only exterior doorways to the hotel are locked and can only be unlocked with a wristband/key, but we saw several propped open.  Unsupervised children and security best described as lacking is a recipe for disaster.  I've seen more stringent security at Chuck E Cheese...    

The front desk staff are all either severely under-trained or just don't give a woodchuck's ass about customer service.  The lines are slow, no one can answer a basic question, and God forbid you call down to the front desk to arrange for a late check out.  I have no idea what is so hard about extending a check out time by an hour, but the last two times we have stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge that request was muffed badly.  Even better was the combative front desk employee that wanted to argue whether or not I called down.  Be prepared to be underwhelmed.  Anything resembling competency is a win.

The Great Wolf Lodge could be an excellent experience with some tweaking.  Don't go expecting resort service from the staff or resort behavior from some of the patrons.  Bring your own food and bottled water as well, I wouldn't recommend eating on site as it is pricey and mediocre...but there is a Starbucks on the premises, so they do have that going for them. 

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