Disneyland Trip - Part 1 of 3

I originally planned on writing one gigantic blog post detailing the Pescado family vacation to Disneyland.  However, since I barely have the time or creative energy to write a craptacular 500 word post on a daily basis, I decided to trash my overly ambitious plan to get all Tolstoy on your asses...so prepare for a Hemingwayesque recap of our trip, but unlike Hemingway I'm not suicidally drunk (yet) and possess more than a 100 word vocabulary.

I'm going to go on record and state that I adore Disneyland.  Walt's vision of creating a true theme park with story driven rides was created for saps like me. You can keep your Six Flags and their roller coasters designed for the adrenaline junkies, that's not my bag.  Keep that in mind as I run through all of my likes and dislikes about Disneyland.  So yeah, I'm drinkin' the Disney kool-aid and totally buy what they are selling, literally and figuratively.

Disney's California Adventure, on the other hand, has always left me somewhat cold.  That park is disjointed and really doesn't have much holding it together.  Yeah, I get that it's supposed to be a celebration of California, but that never really explained the inclusion of the A Bug's Life themed portion of the park.  A Bug's Life is a great film, but didn't have any characters that kids could really identify with or take to heart.  Therefore, ABL is now Pixar's most underappreciated and least commercial film, their Kid A if you will.   Disney might come to regret creating that portion of the park someday if they don't already...

The other attractions at DCA are fine as stand-alone rides, especially Grizzly River Run and Soarin' Over California.  Oddly enough, those are the two rides that are the most 'California' in nature and speak to the theme of the park.  There's cohesion between the two rides, which adds to the experience.  Disney must have received an earful concerning DCA, because they spared no expense when it came to their latest addition - Cars Land.

Cars Land is awesome.  The attention to detail and creative effort Disney's imagineers put into the recreation of Radiator Springs was not lost on me at all and even gave me a new appreciation for the Cars movies (Cars and Cars 2 are by far my least favorite Pixar films).  Radiator Springs is a living, breathing place now, completely organic...it is that immersive.  What Cars Land also accomplishes is that it ties DCA together even more, giving the park's identity a much needed shot of character...and let's be honest, what sets Disney parks apart from all others is the amount of brand equity Disney/Pixar has vested in all of us.  Take away the iconic characters and their stories and all you have is another not so thrilling amusement park.  And that's exactly what Disney's California Adventure was before the addition of Cars Land.

Now, enough of my yappin'...let's boogie!  What did I like and dislike about our trip to Disneyland.  First up, what I was diggin':

Radiator Springs Racers - As I stated earlier, Disney went balls out when it came to recreating Radiator Springs.  The same can be said for the Radiator Springs Racers ride, a throwback attraction that conjures up the creativity and thoughtful story telling that went into Splash Mountain.  RSR is a lot more than just a low grade thrill ride, it takes you through the Cars franchise and the rider gets reintroduced to characters from the franchise as well as 'live' certain moments.  I won't give you a blow by blow of the ride, just know that it is a damn good one.  Is it worth the 2 + hour wait times?  Uh, no...we'll touch on that later.

Splash Mountain - This has always been my favorite ride, regardless of theme park.  I've always enjoyed the story that gets told, the animatronic characters, and of course, the drop off at the end.  Splash Mountain is just a great ride, old school Disney at it's best.  Sidenote:  I had to trick little Katelyn into going on Splash Mountain.  She was dead set against it and was beginning to really dig in her heels.  So, I had to lie to her and tell her that the screams she was hearing were coming from another ride and that Splash Mountain was nothing more than a gentle boat ride like It's A Small World....conveniently leaving out the part about the 50 foot plunge.  Yes, well.  At the end of the ride Katelyn was seriously pissed at me and whatever amount of credibility I had with her lay in soggy tatters amidst the fiberglass brambles surrounding the splash zone.  If Katelyn ever becomes a stripper (with a heart of gold!) that gets a Lifetime movie made about her, her descent into debauchery will be traced to the time I deceived her concerning the nature of Splash Mountain.  If she can't believe in me, who can she believe in?!?!?
  
 Lack Of Lines - Radiator Springs Racers and Cars Land in general really took a lot of pressure off the queues for other attractions.  Pirates Of The Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, Autopia, Nemo's Submarines, It's A Small World, Jungle Cruise, and the sunglasses devouring Big Thunder Mountain Railroad were at times walk on rides or 1/2 hour waits at most.  With strategic use of the Fast Pass system it was possible to bounce from ride to ride with minimal time spent in line.  If you are going to Disneyland anytime soon then I suggest downloading one of the Disneyland queue time apps for your smart phone.  Having that app gave us a good idea as to which rides we would target or hit up while waiting for our Fast Pass time or what have you.

Having daughters - Let's be honest, Disneyland is about Disney princesses.  Being blessed with three girls gives me a new appreciation and fondness for Sleeping Beauty's Castle and Fantasyland.  The look on Jossy and Katelyn's faces when they first laid eyes on that castle is something I'll never forget.  And Jossy saying that her tummy was 'tingly' as we walked towards the gates was a small moment to her, but one I'll cherish.  The ability to tap into a child's wonder and imagination will always be Walt Disney's legacy, and for that I salute him.  I also salute his successors for reviving the princess tradition that allows little girls to dream about far away lands and fairy tales.

With that being said, here's what I didn't like so much about Disneyland...or things that could use improving:

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride - Mr. Toad has to go.  Why Disney has not repurposed the space currently being occupied by Mr. Toad is baffling.  I know 'purists' hate the notion of Mr. Toad being shut down, but purists can be idiots at times.  Hitler was a purist, and look what that got us.  Anyhoo, Disney needs to get their imagineers to work on creating a Beauty And the Beast themed ride, in the same style as the new Ariel's Adventure at DCA.  Where the Toad now squats would be the perfect place for that.  Call it Belle's Beastly Journey or Belle's Be Our Guest Adventure, but make it happen before I'm too old to ride anything but the benches on the carousel next to moms nursing their babies and hip replacement recipients.

Tomorrowland - Tomorrowland is so, so yesterday.  No place at Disneyland is as backwards looking as Tomorrowland.  Disney, here's another idea that I'm giving you...find a way to compensate me later.  If you haven't already started making plans to incorporate Wall-E into Space Mountain, then start firing everyone on your creative staff post haste!  Shut the ride down for 6 months and find a way to turn Space Mountain into Wall-E World.  The infrastructure of the ride can remain in place, but lordy, gut everything else...add holograms of Wall-E, animatronics of Eve...just make it happen!  Turn the entire Space Mountain building into a Buy N' Large, retrofit the roller coaster cars to look like the floaty things people rode around in 'cause they were too atrophied to propel themselves using their legs...if you need me to help you out, just shoot me an email.  And while you are busy with Space Mountain, put Captain EO to rest.  I'm sure their was an uptick in interest after Michael Jackson died, and like good capitalists you made sure to get in on that action by calling it a 'tribute' to MJ...but enough is enough.  Let Cap'n EO and Mr. Toad ride off into the sunset together...I'm sure Bubbles wouldn't mind the company.

Matterhorn - Holy schmoly, the track to the left of the boarding area for the Matterhorn is nothing short of abusive.  The new bobsleds are nice and all, but that means sweet eff all if the ride itself is leaving riders with permanent damage to their spinal cords.  Criminey, my back was wrenched so hard on one turn my feet tingled.  I don't think that's supposed to happen.  The second track is just fine...maybe find a way to make the first track less like something you'd experience in a Hellraiser movie, yes?

Star Tours - Like everything else remotely Star Wars like of late, I was underwhelmed by the new Star Tours.  In fact, I was underwhelmed and motion sick afterwards...the 3D effects and the sweltering heat kind of put me over the edge, so I did not enjoy the Star Tours experience much at all.

Now, for my Disneyland helpful hints!

1.  Pack plenty of water...when you think you've packed enough, pack more.  Remaining hydrated is key to surviving that place if it is remotely hot outside.  Why Disneyland doesn't incorporate the Las Vegas/Phoenix misters to keep patrons cool is borderline criminal, especially at the older rides within Fantasyland that get hammered by the sun.

2.  Use rides like It's A Small World and Pirates Of The Caribbean to take a break and cool off.  Yeah, both rides are kind of on the slow side, but they go for a while and are indoors and air conditioned.  I think we rode IASW and POTC at least three times each, partly because the girls liked them, but also because it gave everyone a chance to get out of the heat.

3.  The snack shop by the Jungle Cruise carries the most healthy snacks at Disneyland.  If you don't want to partake of burgers and fries, then by all means load up on mango and coconut water at this snack shop.  Toon Town has a place that sells a decent cold turkey sandwich and a small fruit stand too, so that's always an option.  California Adventure has a couple of smaller snack shops with fruit and veggies as well, just not inside the joint by Soarin' Over California...Sidenote:  Add this to my list of Disney dislikes....ya'll has got to figure out a way to move people in and out of your restaurants faster.  There is an unacceptable amount of inefficiency at the snack bars, especially the one located in Tomorrowland.  Poach a restaurant efficiency analyst from McDonald's and get those lines moving!

4.  Plan to eat lunch/dinner during off hours.  Better yet, eat when there is a parade...get your food and stake out some real estate on the parade route.  Or, if in Tomorrowland, wait for the Jedi Academy to start a show...there will be lots of people milling around, but not in line for food...that's your chance to get in and get out in a hurry.

5.  Don't try to get a Fast Pass for Radiator Springs Racers if you aren't one of the first in line to enter the park when the rope drops.  Just haul ass to the ride itself, suck it up and wait it out.  If you want to ride again, opt for the single rider option, especially if everyone in you party is over 7...if they aren't, then coach those under 7 to say they are 7 when asked.  Trust me on this one.  Yes, you run the risk of not being in the same car as someone you know, but if you really want to go through again, single rider is your best shot at glory.

6.  Use the Fast Pass system to your advantage and create your ride strategy around your Fast Pass return time.  Let's say you have a Fast Pass time of 11:05 - 12:05 for Splash Mountain.  Use that hour to knock out Pirates of the Caribbean and/or the Haunted Mansion, you'll more than likely will have time for both...return to Splash Mountain, ride it on down, and then head off to grab your next Fast Pass for Indiana Jones or Big Thunder Mountain Rail Road and start the process again.  Paddle the canoes or ride the ferry to what used to be Tom Sawyer's island...there's always something to do, and if you play your Fast Pass cards right you won't waste time and energy running all over the park or standing in line.

7.  Ride the train to get from one side of the park to the other, walking is for chumps, especially as the day wears on and you have a 3 1/2 year old that is getting tuckered out.

8.  They aren't lying about Grizzly River Run's potential to soak you.  We were drenched.  I nearly lost my phone.  That is not a ride to trifle with, especially if you are the unfortunate that sits next to one of the rafts opening.  An enormous amount of water gets into the raft on that ride and you your clothes will get very, very wet.  If you have to take your phone with you, place it in a plastic baggie that can be tightly secured.  I think there are lockers you can rent if you want to bring a change of clothes as well.  Again, they ain't be kiddin' about that being a water ride....

That's all I've got for now, and I'm sure that I am forgetting some obvious tips.  I'll touch on those (if I remember exactly what it is I forgot) in the next two installments...adieu!