Burning The Midnight Oil

Some of my faithful 9 readers may remember that I got rid of the faithful Toyota Camry because it sprang so many oil leaks due to so many failed gaskets and seals that repairing them all was financially silly - the cost of the repairs totaled more than the worth of the car.  So, I traded the Camry in and picked up a 2006 Impala Super Sport (SS for short), a surly 300+ HP V8 of a muscle car hidden behind a bland facade of GM's mid oughts exterior design malaise.  She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts...just like the Millennium Falcon.  So it has that going for it....

I quickly dubbed the Impala the 'Black Mamba' because the car is black and it's fast.  Not the most original name, but a name none the less.  It has been relatively trouble free since I've owned it, but about 3 months ago I began noticing the tell tale signs of an oil leak.  I took it in for an oil change and the goober at Grease Monkey confirmed my fear - an oil leak from the oil pan gasket.  A few weeks passed after the oil change before I took it in to my local Chevy dealer for an estimate.  Oil pan gaskets run about 28 bucks, but labor pushes the repair north of 800 bones....throw in a broken motor mount and we are looking at a cool grand.  The dealership service department also said I needed two new battery cables (OEM cables run $200 bucks each), and the transmission cooler hoses replaced.  All in all, I walked out of there looking at $1800 in vehicle repairs.  A decision had to be made...do I sink money into the Black Mamba chasing an oil leak around, or do I just trade it in on a new car.  Criminey, domestic automakers are stuffing so much cash on the hood and trunks of their cars that it almost makes sense to take on a cheap lease for 24 months...or does it?

I've been unable to decide what to do about the Black Mamba.  So, it's been spouting oil like the Spy Hunter car up and down Auburn streets for the last few months.  The Better Half mentioned my car issues to a co-worker and he recommended a small independent garage down the road.  I took it in today to have them look at it...and low and behold, they can't find an oil leak.  The car was two quarts low on oil when I brought it in, but for the life of the tech that worked on it a leak can't be found...not from the oil pan, not from the filter, not from the valve covers, not from the rear main seal.  He changed the oil in the car, added a UV dye and drove it around for about an hour, hoisted it up in the air, and came up dry as a bone.  Which is just effing crazy because the cardboard I placed underneath it to protect the garage floor looks as if the Exxon Valdez ran aground on top of it.

Needless to say, I was incredulous and perplexed.  How could my car suddenly stop leaking oil?  It's nonsensical.  At one point I even argued with the tech a bit and stated that I had physical evidence of a leak at my house and two different mechanic types told me that my oil pan gasket was bad.  This probably offended the gent because he fired back with, 'I don't sell people sh*t they don't need, your car doesn't have a leaky oil pan gasket.  If you want to spend $500 dollars to have it replaced, I'll replace it.  You don't need it though.'  I backed off and thanked him for his honesty, but that I was confused by it all.  He walked me back into the shop where the car was hoisted and had me look underneath.  No evidence of a leak.  The frame was clean, the engine block was clean, the exterior of the oil pan was clean.  He even broke out the black light to show me that no UV dye was detectable.  I thanked him again, he brought my car out front of the shop, and we settled up for the oil change and his time.

He asked me to send him a photo of the cardboard in my garage when I got home, and I obliged.  I'm supposed to take my car back after putting a 100 miles on it.  He'll add more dye and hoist the car up again, but he is adamant that I don't have a leak.  While he didn't come out and say that the dealership was trying to rip me off, he did suggest that they weren't being totally honest.  Oh, and the $400 battery cables they tried to sell me because I had some corrosion on the contact points?  He cleaned those off and recharged the battery for $12.00...so, yeah. I won't be taking my car to that particular dealership for service of any kind again.

I'm going to check the fresh cardboard I put under the car when I got home for evidence of a leak.  If I see something I think I'm going to email the following Leo Kottke tune to the mechanic that worked on the car today...he has a pretty good sense of humor and he might even appreciate it: