Pioneer Square Dance

Working downtown again after a 10 year absence (I don't count my Pemco days as downtown, that was Eastlake) is more than welcome. There's something about jumping off the train and walking into the office that adds legitimacy to my work day. Rather than schlepping it into a business park in the suburbs I'm Draperesque, striding with a sense of purpose and full of vim and vigor...minus the raging alcoholism, chain smoking, and hot secretary nailin'.

However, a lot has changed in downtown Seattle over the last 10 years. When I left the tech/dot-com bubble was still in full on rager mode (the dot-com bubble would implode 3 months later, in March of 2000), WAMU was at the height of their retail power and seemed unstoppable, and downtown in general had a vibrancy that only new money naivete and old money tastes can sustain. You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting someone yapping about stock options, signing bonuses, and IPOs.

There was a slight hangover after the crash, but for the most part Seattle kept chugging along. All those that chased dot.com dreams returned to places like WAMU, Expeditors and Boeing with their worthless stock options in the recycle bin. Downtown kept opening restaurants, high end retail establishments and trendy boutique stores. By the time the real estate bubble swung into high gear there were sections of Seattle that had been completely transformed. Pacific Place stands as an obnoxious and arrogant totem of this period of time.

Flash forward to 2010 - It seems downtown is reverting back to what it was in the late 80's and 90's. There is a seediness and sleeziness to it that was irrigated out during this town's run up to being considered a 'world class' city. While certain sections have always been meccas to junkies, the homeless, and other downtroddens (Pike Place, Pioneer Square) the presence of these so-called undesirables was at a minimum over the last decade. Law enforcement and business owners went out of their way to sweep the nuiscance of panhandlers and hobos not only under the rug, but off the streets entirely.

I walked to Pioneer Square last Tuesday (before Snowmaggedon unleashed its unbridled and slushy fury upon us) and I was surprised by a few things:

1 - The number of bums visibly passed out on the sidewalks, and I'm pretty sure one hobo was dead. He was lying facedown in a puddle of mystery liquid (but sporting a new pair of Wranglers) and his hands were a bluish grey tint. Now, had this been anyone but a homeless person I might have stopped to investigate...and I stress might. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm one of the heartless bastards that 'What Would You Do?' loves to expose on their stupid show, and I'm okay with that. You want to lay dead in the street? Fine by me. Plus, since I went and watched 'Prince Of Darkness' back in 1987, a movie I must have viewed as a documentary, I've harbored the irrational fear that all homeless people are minions of Satan...just waiting for his dark signal to start running people through with discarded bicycle frames. I don't need that in my life, so I just step aside and keep on keepin' on.

2 - I don't recognize 3/4 of the bars in Pioneer Square. Not only that, I was really struggling to remember where the Colourbox used to be...or any of the other bars I used to frequent way back in the day. The J&M appears to have been remodeled, but I always hated that place. And none of the bars I used to play back in my band days appear to have survived. Does Pioneer Square still do joint cover? Is Jumbalassy playing at the Fenix Underground this weekend?

3 - One thing that has not changed is the bizarre number of high end rug merchants in Pioneer Square...and rug merchant isn't a euphemism for anything, these people literally sell Persian rugs for thousands and thousands of dollars. Now, one constant is that all of these stores are going out of business and having big sales to liquidate their rug inventory. The other constant is that there are never any customers in these places. That tells me that one of two things are going on and that is these merchants have one hell of a booming online business...or they are fronts for terrorists/drug smugglers. Do any of you know anybody this side of Aladdin or the villain from 'Octopussy' that own or have plans to buy a $14,000 Persian rug? I didn't think so.

4 - Every employee at Magic Mouse Toys harbors a deep seeded hatred of children. That, actually, has always been that way. Criminy, those are some bitter, bitter people in that place. Hey, Magic Mouse employees...I'm sorry that Alternative Childhood Education major with the French Lit minor isn't working out for you, but that doesn't give you carte blanche to loathe every child that walks into your store. What's odd here is that the employees were giving the kids of strangers a hard time and I was still appalled. Normally, I'm completely apathetic when it comes to having empathy or sympathy for people I don't know, but these people were just friggin' mean to a couple of young Asian kids that had the gall to touch a toy on the shelf. They weren't being rough with it or breaking it or making ramen soup with it...they just touched it...and it wasn't a toy Faberge egg either, it was some Melissa and Doug dealie bob. Lighten up, Magic Mouse...there's only so long your hipster doofus credentials can carry you in a down economy.

That's about all I have for now, but I plan to head down that way again soon to scare up some lunch. I hear Tat's Deli is nothing but good times....