Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Sunny Side Of The Street

What does Rachel Uchitel have in common with the random lunatic that sat next to me on the bus earlier today? They are both addicted to lip gloss. The unattractive gal that planted herself across the aisle from me had some serious, serious issues. Not only was she dressed like an extra from ‘8 Mile’ (yo, it’s goin’ down at The Shelter!) with enough Sean John gear to finance P. Shiddy’s next vehicle purchase, she smelled like tomato basil soup. And she was addicted to lip gloss.

Her lip gloss routine can only be described as precise. She would take out a tube of Blistix and go ‘round and ‘round her lips three times, lick them, and then apply a purple-ish lip gloss over the top in four sweeps.. A few moments would go by and she would repeat the process. Over the course of three stops in the tunnel she performed this operation seven times…and it was always three applications of Blistix, a lick o’ the lips, and then the purple lip gloss. By the time I got off the bus she looked like she had been bobbing for pork chops that had been suspended in a vat of Crisco.

This level of crazy doesn’t approach the batsh*t insanity of ‘Lotion Man’, a wandering nutter that I would see from time to time in the Eastlake area…but it is definitely over the top OCD behavior. I’m wondering if this lip gloss fascination manifested itself due to her being nervous while riding a bus through the tunnel though…she looked as normal as she possibly could when she hopped aboard. It was only when we got rolling did the Blistix/lip gloss come out. Either way, it was bizarre…but not so bizarre I couldn’t share it with my 4 loyal readers though!

Moving on - Sunny days in Seattle means the return of sidewalk mystery liquid!!! Yep, nothing like walking down a sidewalk on a day with no measurable precipitation and encountering a puddle of standing liquid in direct sunlight…how did it get there and what the eff is it? It is best to just walk around and give said puddle a wide-berth, it may become self aware and attack you like the lake blob from Creepshow…

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